Chaotic Convos #2: Body Hair
Body hair is such a mind-fuck for me. You too?
Hey there, everyone!
Welcome to the chaotic conversations, where I bring a topic that’s on my mind and invite all subscribers to chat about it. I’ll be putting up one of these each Tuesday. I’m really looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts and ideas each week!
This chaotic conversation will be free to all subscribers, but soon these threads will be for paid subscribers only because:
I don’t want any trolls ruining the vibes. Yes to conversations that go all over the place and challenge our thinking in mind-opening ways. No to more of the useless shouting that happens all over the internet. Be respectful or be blocked, my pals.
Mediating conversations takes time and, yes, energy. I think these convos are super important. In fact, I think a lot of what is wrong with the world is due to a lack of open-hearted and tough conversations. But I also want (and need) to be compensated for the time it takes to make sure everything in these threads is on the up and up. You get it.
So let’s talk about body hair.
Friends, this is a topic that’s been on my mind for a while. Actually, I’m in the process of writing a longer essay for the Chaos Palace about how complicated being a person with hair on my body is for me. That’ll come out in July, I think, depending on how smoothly our upcoming move is. In the meantime, I want to hear more about how this topic has impacted you. I have a hunch many folks have thorny feelings about their hair, what with it being vilified by Western culture and used to propagate racist theories over the course of centuries and all.
To me, body hair seems to be a litmus test for where you belong — when it should really be about bodily autonomy. I knew that having body hair was considered bad at a very young age. But I’m also a pretty hairy person. I’ve gone to some extreme lengths to rid myself of my hair, resulting in chemical burns on my face, for example. In my mid-twenties, this flipped. I came out as queer and was surrounded by folks who celebrated leg hair, facial hair — the works. Now I felt ashamed for shaving my legs and waxing my upper lip, while still holding the learned self-hatred anytime I saw hair on my legs or face. Removing hair makes me present as less queer, but I still feel weird when I don’t.
Add to this the fact that, as a person with ADHD who has sensory processing issues, the sensory experience of body hair is really triggering for me. I've spent my life figuring out how to do this in a way that's healthy and mindful of my specific sensory needs.
How can we make space for hair-related decisions to be made out of a respect for an individual’s specific needs?
How can we divorce our hair from a perceived sense of morality and learn to accept them as a part of who we are, just like eye color?
How has this impacted you over your life? Do you have a body-hair story you’re mulling over?
Share in the comments below!
I promise to respond to every comment. And I sure look forward to chatting with you all.
Yes! I feel this! I think it’s a mixture of late feminist and queer awakening and also raising two AFAB kiddos that’s got me pondering my pilosity. I’ve compromised for now on hair removal and am no longer shaving, just trimming, my pits. I guess I want my kids to see that having hair there is the natural state of all bodies. But when it comes to my legs I just can’t do the hair. I love a smooth summer leg.
Ahh this is such an important topic. I feel like just naming it feels taboo. Personally I've always loved smooth bodies, definitely for myself but also in general. It's only through my queer awakening (like you mentioned about yourself) that I've been open to other possibilities. I feel like only recently the media has started to depict more bodies with body hair and even when doing so it feels like the exception or like a rebellion. Like with anything else, whenever there will be more portrayals of humans with body hair on a consistent basis it'll become less taboo. Even for AMAB folks - models usually hardly have body hair.