Kristen Drozdowski Dreams of Chaos

A visual artist on finding inspiration in the little moments and remembering to breathe.

Dreams of Chaos is a series of Q&As with folks about how they engage with chaos in their work. Maybe they love the chaos and use it as an engine for creativity. Maybe they struggle with the indefinite and are trying to wrangle it however they can. I’m interested in the ways people acknowledge the messiness of living in the world, and I’m excited to share these conversations with others who have this messiness on their minds.

Kristen Drozdowski

(she/they) is an artist and illustrator from Ypsilanti, Michigan who I never would have met if not for this here Substack. When I asked my wonderful colleague

Heidi Fiedler

if she knew some interesting folks who might be a good fit for the Dreams of Chaos series, Heidi said hey-ho yes, talk to Kristen.

So, I did! And I’m very glad she wrote back.

I know two things about Ypsilanti, Michigan: (1) It has a spelling you’ll never forget once you’ve encountered it, and (2) everyone I’ve ever spoken to from Ypsi (as the locals call it) has had a very magical faerie energy to them.

Kristen bears that (stereotype) out, but they don’t bring a spaced-out faerie energy. Instead, one feels as though one is communicating with someone very grounded in the real world, who nonetheless knows some magical secrets about the universe. Someone who knows about thin places and how to find them.

Her bio states that her “creative practices all stem from the same love for self-exploration and expression,” which is what we’re all about here at the Chaos Palace.

I keep asking folks these questions because I want to know how people are moving through a world that is relentlessly messy and confusing. Reading Kristen’s answers was refreshing, not least because her attitude towards the messiness (read: chaos) of life is not to deny it. Instead, she opts to flow when possible, to slow when needed, to ground when necessary.

Kristen is a visual artist whose painting practice includes collaboration with natural materials such as earth pigments and plant dyes, non-toxic binders and raw, unprimed surfaces. They create their own paints mindfully and patiently from these materials, their whole practice from start to finish is a meditation on deep relationship, observing as subtle experiences such as fleeting emotions and memories are brought into into physical form. She says that, sometimes, non-verbal communication is the strongest form of channeling, a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with. Kristen considers their art not abstract, but representational. Their process is most influenced by spiritual connections between earth, water, light, body, and mind.

I hope you love Kristens’s answers as much as I did.

How would you describe yourself and the work you do?

I would describe myself as multi-passionate and someone who has a lot of creative outlets. I design and make printed goods which has turned into a business in its 10th year, Worthwhile Paper + Studio. I offer screen printed and riso printed stationery and notebooks, guided journals and an oracle deck called Inquire Within. I also paint and make my own paints and inks from plants and minerals, which is a practice I have been engaged in for the sake of exploration and self-discovery. I think creativity can teach us a lot about ourselves, and through this I accidentally became a writer too. I share a lot about my creative process on my Substack, called Field of Visions. In addition to this, I offer custom design work, teach workshops, and I am studying Ayurveda and Yoga.

Can you share about how your path led you to the work you do today?

Sure! I went to school for fine art and concentrated in graphic design and through that channel is how I fell in love with screen printing, because it’s one of the most tactile and artful analog printing methods associated with design. Eventually I started making my own designs and selling them on Etsy, which led me to start selling goods wholesale. This led me to hiring employees and renting a space, and after a few years I realized I was spending so much time on my computer, and needed to make sure I carved out time for my art practice, because I really love doing non-digital things with my hand, creating individual pieces, and having an outlet not tied as much to consumerism. I need art-making that really engages me on a spiritual and non-conceptual level with less pressure, so I started painting and learning to make my own paints and be in connected relationship with the natural world through my art practice. I love both of these things - designing / selling goods and painting for the sake of filling my creative well - and I feel they really balance each other out. 

Where do you look for inspiration when you’re feeling tapped out? 

In the tactile world around me, in nature, in the little moments that can sometimes go unnoticed, and in my real life relationships. 

What gets you up in the morning?

Yoga. For the past decade I have had a regular Ashtanga Yoga practice, and I practice early in the morning before I start the rest of my day. Ashtanga is a very meditative and inward method of Yoga practice, and follows a lineage of teachers. It consists of a specifically designed traditional sequence of postures which are synchronized with the breath in a flowing series, practiced with an underlying concentration technique that cultivates a very meditative and centered state. I find it to be so healing, and it sets a really good tone for the day.

What’s something surprising you’ve done or learned that’s changed how you show up in the world?

I left social media in January, and it has changed how I show up everywhere. In my life I feel I can show up with more presence. In my relationships I feel myself showing up to others with more curiosity and feeling more joy. In my work I am more inspired than ever to create work, foster authentic and meaningful personal connections, and share my art in ways that are really aligned with how I want to share, creatively on my own terms, and in a format I choose.

Here at the Chaos Palace, we’re exploring how inviting messiness into our lives can be a vehicle for curiosity and creativity. How does chaos inform what you do, if at all?

Chaos is probably my default state. My mind has 100 ideas running at all times! And as a parent, business owner, artist etc, I have a lot going on. I approach chaos with a lot of curiosity and surrender. The challenge for me is always the wondering what I should choose to do, and sometimes I just let the chaos decide, by doing what feels like it’s tugging at me the most. Even though it’s chaotic, there’s always some kind of direction, something prominent, so oftentimes I trust that what I am being called to do is the best and most harmonious use of my energy. It sounds crazy, but when we surrender to it, there is harmony and right order right within the chaos, if we are open to seeing it.

How does chaos inform your non-work life?

I feel like the way chaos shows up in my non-work life is spontaneity. Doing something on a whim with family or friends.   

When does messiness feel like it’s too much? What do you do to rein it in when necessary?

I can tell its too much when I feel overwhelmed in my body and unclear in my thoughts. This is when I know for sure that rest is the very best option. The thing that works best for me is laying on the floor, and feeling the heaviness of my body, and resting the senses. For a minimum of 20 minutes, or it’s not effective. Feeling my eyes relax, releasing tension in the jaw and forehead. Releasing the tendency to need to be doing something, and just do nothing, which requires a reminder that if I do nothing, everything is still going to be ok.

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Welcome to the Chaos Palace is about coloring outside society's boring ol' lines.

More specifically, it's about ADHD, parenting, queerness, and Judaism. Subscribe to get new ideas (big and small) about how to expand the boundaries of societal rules. Paying subscribers get updates from my own Chaos Palace, as well as conversations with folks who are whistling their own quirky tune and reported essays — for just $5 a month (or $55 for the year)! The latest of these is an interview with the thoughtful and hilarious Noha Beshir about making time for creativity, deepening one’s faith, and finding community.

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