We Did Some Good Stuff in 2023
Celebrating the wins with you all. Plus, a sale!
Dear fam,
In just a few days 2023 will be over, which seems impossible. Where did the time go? Looking back at the last 12 months is confusing. So much has happened this year. Last January feels like it was yesterday and also an eternity ago at the same time. Which doesn’t really make sense. And yet.
Baby was born in December of 2022, so this was the year we got to know her sweet, hilarious personality. She makes the funniest sounds and faces, she loves dancing, and she is up for pretty much any adventure. She and her brother are already conspiring against us and it’s pretty fun to see the nonsense they get up to.
As I’ve written about here, Big Kid had to leave his school in December of 2022. This means that 2023 has been a year of learning so much about Big Kid — his sensory needs, the way he thinks about the world, how to support him, how to take care of ourselves so we can be there for him, how to advocate for him. When I think of how we thought about parenting a year ago it seems so rudimentary as to be ridiculous. I was so afraid of him being kicked out of school! Now, I know he’s far better off in a place that understands and appreciates him for his quirky self.
As a result of this learning, my wife and I have also become more mindful of the places and relationships we’re in. We want to be in spaces understand and appreciate us for our weird selves, too. The more we’re open to learning about our kids, the more whole versions of ourselves we become.
A lot of folks have been putting together year-end summaries. Personally, I’m a sucker for a good opportunity for introspection. I love to sink into a reverie on my birthday, New Year’s Eve, Rosh HaShana… whenever the calendar allows me to overthink what I’m doing I go for it. As evidenced by this nice little existential crisis I sent you after Yom Kippur.
Of all the round-ups, though, I was particularly moved by this annual report by
, who had a very topsy-turvy year what with her new book becoming an NYT bestseller and the truly crazy aftermath of all that. I love that, in this round-up, she takes the time to celebrate her wins, while acknowledging what a mess the year was. It’s pretty rare to see a woman unabashedly own her successes. I think it’s pretty badass. In it, Virginia writes the truest words ever:“I still do not know how to hold together all the parts of this year—it was wonderful, it was horrible, it was often both at once. But I will say this: I think I’ve learned that plans don’t fail or succeed. They just change.”
Yes. A thousand times yes.
To that end, here are some things my wife and I did this year that were pretty good — besides the aforementioned parenting wins. I would be overjoyed if you took the time to share some of your wins in the comments as well! Let’s make a whole thread of joy and success.
We bought a damn house.
Folks, I still wake up most mornings and can’t believe I live here. My wife and I are both artists — I have a degree in classical composition and conducting, for goodness’ sake — and the housing market is a dumpster fire. But we bought a house. A real one. I want to acknowledge the privilege involved in this purchase — we could never, ever have done this without the help of our parents, who gave us both advice and funds towards the house. I, in particular, doubt I would have been able to successfully navigate the endless bureaucracy and legal hoops without my wife. There’s a lot of being On Top of Things involved in buying a house, much minutia, many emails to follow up on — none of which are my forte. As a team, though, we were able to move our family to a place much better suited to us. Big Kid has more quiet, we both have offices to work from, there is nature everywhere to enjoy. Huge win.
I launched the Chaos Palace.
This has been a pipe-dream of mine for a while, and I’m pretty proud that I made it happen. There are now almost 350 of you! The messages I receive about meaningful the writing is, the interesting conversations that go on in the comments sections, and the opportunity to speak with folks about how they move through the world has been a source of so much inspiration.
In honor of the years’ end, I’ve taken the paywall off all the Q&A conversations for a few weeks. You can find them here. Looking back at these, I’m still so in awe of the incredible folks I’ve had the honor of chatting with. I spoke to Caitlin Cook about her one-woman bathroom-graffiti-based musical, to Katherine Studley about her advocacy and accounting work for sex-workers, to Dr. Andrew Kahn about how ADHD can be a strength, and to Patty Roache about bringing queerness into opera. Among many other amazing people.
I’ve got a lot of exciting interviews planned for 2024. I’ll also be continuing the I Am Chaos column, wherein I explore the less-discussed symptoms of ADHD. These essays bring together personal experience alongside academic research and expert insights for an in-depth take on things like ADHD & Anger or ADHD & Empathy.
If you feel moved to share the Chaos Palace with someone in your life who you think would enjoy it, that would be wonderful.
Both of these series’ are for paid subscribers (except for right now), and I’d love for more folks to be able to read them. Which is why I put together a New Years’ sale! If you subscribe before January 15th, you’ll get 20% off a full year of chaos (the good kind). As always, if the price is out of reach, please message me and I’ll take care of it.
Music about home.
I am constantly in awe of my wife, who is a veritable fount of inspiration. When we first started dating (14 years ago!) I told her that she sings feelings. That continues to be true. She released some stunning music this year, including a song for National Geographic’s photos of the year. She also released a visual album about what home means spiritually, geographically, bodily, and in many other ways. In one way or another, “What does home mean?” feels like the project of my whole life. That being said, it has been especially present this year. It’s the year we left Brooklyn. The year our home country rose up against its leadership. The year a war broke out that has torn that same country asunder. This music, made in collaboration with artists from across the globe who are also asking who and what they are, has been a profound anchor during the months of confusion. You can listen to the first six songs off the album here.
Here are some of my faves:
We made and kept relationships.
This may seem like a tiny thing, but to me it’s meaningful. I am bad at staying in touch with people, generally speaking. Having ADHD means my object permanence and short-term memory are only so-so, which means I forget to answer messages and emails all the time. When I type “I’m sorry” into my phone, it completes the sentence with either “for being late” or “for my delayed reply.”
This year, we left Brooklyn, and I was terrified I’d lose my New York friends when that happened. But I’ve managed to stay in touch with more folks than I thought I would. I also had frank (and uncomfortable) conversations with several friends about our differing communication expectations. It’s always awkward to do that, but this time it really resulted in a better understanding of how we all communicated. In this way, we’re able to support one another in better ways. Also as a result, I felt less alone during the last months of upheaval. Turns out being an adult about a relationship actually does help when both people are dedicated to making things work and hearing one another out.
We did other creative stuff.
I became a culture writer for the Jewish Telegraphic Agency, covering Jewish cultural events in NYC.
My wife wrote the song for National Geographic’s photo of the year campaign.
I wrote an Op-Ed for Parents magazine that made the internet mad at me, but I don’t regret it.
We co-wrote a Jewish meditation album called KAVANA. Keep your ears ready, that’s coming out in 2024.
I began a series of essays and resources about the war in Israel and Gaza, which I had previously been really scared of writing about. I’m glad I faced my fear, especially in light of the beautiful messages I’ve gotten in response.
I hope all of you are snuggled up with something cozy (tea? cocoa? soup? a burrito blanket?) as you read this. I hope you can feel me sending you a warm hug through the magic of the internet. I hope to see you in the comments section of the Chaos Palace next year.
Sending love and wishes for peace and light,
Mikhal
An Extra Treat
Joining Substack this year meant discovering a wealth of writing. Such a joy. Here are some of my favorite publications:
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Oldster Magazine explores what it means to travel through time in a human body—of any gender, at every phase of life. It focuses on the good, the bad, and the ugly we experience with each milestone, starting early in life. It’s about the experience of getting older, and what that means at different junctures.
Burnt Toast is an anti-diet, fat positive community about body liberation. It’s also a newsletter and a podcast about how we navigate diet culture and fatphobia, especially through parenting. (But non-parents like it too!)
Mothers Who Make is a world-class gallery of creative mothers. Some are new mothers. Some are more experienced. Many of these women are known for their creative work. They sing, dance, write, paint, and share their work with their communities. Others live quieter but no less creative lives, problem solving, repairing, making up bedtime stories, baking bread, finding beauty and meaning in every day moments. Every mother in the collection is someone who considers creativity an essential part of her life and the lives of her children.
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Torah thoughts about the challenges and potentials of Jewish life in the 58th century.
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A fresh, expansive, loving, everybody-celebrating, nobody-diminished voyage into one of the world’s most ancient and holy books. It’s a book about which a lot of people have a lot of Big Feelings, to be sure—but I believe, passionately, that despite the fact that it’s been used as a bludgeon by too many people over the centuries, it’s really a roadmap for transformation in all the most critical of ways.
Thanks for the sweet mention, Mikhal!
Thank you so much for the shoutout!! And for all your good work.