I just took a trip "home" as well--a place I haven't lived in over twenty years now--and found myself reflecting on many of these same themes, so this really resonated with me. Also, I totally relate about traveling with neurodivergent kids and struggling with the reactions other people have to their behavior, and the constant sense of judgment and shame because people with neurotypical kids don't understand and think I'm just a bad parent with bad kids. Sometimes it gets in my head and I start to wonder if they're right. But also the struggle of feeling, as one of my therapy clients described it, like a sensitive houseplant who wilts if you don't get precisely the right amount of sunlight and water. I have often encountered judgment about that as well from people who think I'm being self-centered and high maintenance because I'm rigid in my routines. They don't understand what a high price I will pay for it if I try to be flexible and accommodating.
Thank you so much for writing this. Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of parenting a neurodivergent kid, I forget that there are others out there experiencing this, too. I like the sensitive houseplant metaphor! It's so hard to explain to others that these are not optional — they are necessary for my continued wellbeing and the consequences of compromise will not be pretty. I really wish there was some way to explain it better, but I think it probably has more to do with others' ability to have an open mind. Which is part of why I write this thing!
I just took a trip "home" as well--a place I haven't lived in over twenty years now--and found myself reflecting on many of these same themes, so this really resonated with me. Also, I totally relate about traveling with neurodivergent kids and struggling with the reactions other people have to their behavior, and the constant sense of judgment and shame because people with neurotypical kids don't understand and think I'm just a bad parent with bad kids. Sometimes it gets in my head and I start to wonder if they're right. But also the struggle of feeling, as one of my therapy clients described it, like a sensitive houseplant who wilts if you don't get precisely the right amount of sunlight and water. I have often encountered judgment about that as well from people who think I'm being self-centered and high maintenance because I'm rigid in my routines. They don't understand what a high price I will pay for it if I try to be flexible and accommodating.
Thank you so much for writing this. Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of parenting a neurodivergent kid, I forget that there are others out there experiencing this, too. I like the sensitive houseplant metaphor! It's so hard to explain to others that these are not optional — they are necessary for my continued wellbeing and the consequences of compromise will not be pretty. I really wish there was some way to explain it better, but I think it probably has more to do with others' ability to have an open mind. Which is part of why I write this thing!