This Week: Is the Atmosphere Real?

Sure it is, kid. But it's also a *metaphor.*

Dear fam,

This week and last, Big Kid has been very curious about space. Which means my lovely wife and I have learned a lot we didn’t know about asteroids, meteors, and whether or not the dinosaurs “ran towards the asteroid,” according to Big Kid. Spoiler: they did not. They melted first, as I learned from a very upsetting YouTube video.

This morning, at breakfast, I attempted to explain how the moon stays put while the Earth spins by using a WubbaNub pacifier to stand in for our planet.

“Why is the atmosphere hot, mama?” he asks over and over, and “Is the atmosphere real?”

I try to explain that the atmosphere itself isn’t hot, it’s the act of passing through it that can turn an asteroid into a fireball. It’s the friction that creates the heat. And, yes, the atmosphere is real. And, no, we can’t see it from our porch.

You know, if you say something enough times you start to think about it a heckuva lot.

I’ve been thinking about the term atmosphere, a word that comes to us from two Greek words that mean vapor (atmos) and sphere (sphaira). According to my favorite online etymology dictionary, it was once considered “vaporous air,” understood to be “a part of the earth and a contamination of the lower part of the air.”

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word underwent an evolution over the course of 200-or-so years. In the 1630s, it’s solely used in contexts relating to astronomy (“an orbe of grosse vaporous aire, immediately encompassing the body of the Moone”). In the 1767, though, it’s used as a stand-in for the word air itself (“The suffocating atmosphere of […] a small apartment”), and by 1797 we see it used to mean something entirely different. Not the air or the gas surrounding an orb, but the quality of the air itself. Or, as the OED puts it, a “surrounding mental or moral element.”

Is the atmosphere real? Well, now, that’s another question.

The atmosphere has been busy, nay, chaotic in this house for the last two weeks. As I mentioned last time, summer camp is done and we are scrambling to keep up with our energetic Big Kid. Also, Baby can now crawl. So, good luck to us.

One thing Big Kid struggles with is staying regulated when he’s out of a framework. Frankly, I also struggle with this. We are both chaos monsters who are bad at staying in rituals and schedules. And we both thrive most when we have structure. It’s not great brain-wiring, if I’m honest.

This is pretty much what my brain looks like without a regular schedule:

Image by www.xkcd.com

When Big Kid is dysregulated, that means bigger emotional moments (i.e. screaming like a banshee when something doesn’t go as expected and/or laughing hysterically for no reason), more clinginess (especially to me), more chaotic energy (e.g. scaling a bookcase faster than you can say bookcase and/or ignoring requests from his tired parents), and more proprioceptive searching (throwing oneself on the floor, jumping up and down, asking for bear hugs).

One day this week we came home from a delightful time at the New Jersey DMV to discover Big Kid had, in his words, “somehow put all the toilet paper in the toilet! I don’t know how I did that!”, a mystery that led to his mama driving to Home Depot for a new plunger. You know what? I believe he really didn’t know how he did that. Being dysregulated is kind of like an out of body experience. One minute you’re in the living room, the next you’re in the bedroom crying and you don’t know why.

ADHD can be a trip and a half.

All of this is fine — it’s part of the chaos of life, and it makes things colorful. But it can be a lot to handle for twelve or more hours a day. Especially seeing as he has a sister who also has needs. My wife and I have been running around trying to keep up with the two little ones and also try to find time for some mental health moments. Or just to get some damn work done. Or call a friend.

One thing I’ve been trying to do is keep a finger on pulse of our atmosphere — the metaphorical one. There are near imperceptible changes in the air when someone is about to blow, or when some creative juices are really getting going. Trying to have a sense of how and why the atmosphere is changing (at times quite rapidly) helps ride those waves. Nip some meltdowns in the bud.

I’ve also been trying to keep an eye on my own atmosphere. My anxiety has been a lot worse this week, and I’ve been trying to use it as a clue. What is making me so stressed? Which interactions elevate my heart rate? When do I feel better?

I think we all have these vaporous vibes around us¹ , you know? They can protect us and give us information about ourselves. Or they can burn us up if we try to push through them too quickly. It’s not a perfect analogy, but it’s a useful framing. At least for me. A reminder not to fight against the current of our psyches. If Big Kid is in a bad way, how can I work within his atmosphere to get us safely where we need to be? If Baby is hungry or in need of snuggles, how can I help her? If I or my wife are spent beyond recognition, how can we find empathy for ourselves, instead fighting against the very true reality of how our lives are impacting us on this day?

Meanwhile, as I mull all of this over, we’re coming up with family activities to keep us busy. To pass the long summer days. We made mandarin-ginger jam yesterday (see above). Last week, we hiked through a forest full of fairy houses and made wishes. We went for a swim at the local YMCA. This weekend we’re taking a train adventure with a TBD destination.

One day at a time, my loves. It’s not easy, but it’s also pretty fabulous.

Shabbat shalom,

Mikhal

---

Help me decide what to write about next for Chaos in the Wild!

What I’m Reading

• The Marriage Box by Corie Adjimi is an engaging, fun novel that also touches on philosophical ideas about meaning and family.

• Julie Vick
  on writing humor and being a mom at the same time (published by
  Mothers Who Make
  ) is funny and fun!

• This NYT article about an Amazonian explorer bent on saving uncontacted indigenous tribes gives some hope we can outwit loggers and protect sacred land.

• Yvonne Liu
  responding to the
  Oldster Magazine
  Questionnaire is a moving exploration of what it means to come into one’s own and possess one’s own story.

This is 64: Yvonne Liu Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire

What I’m Listening To

My wife’s newest release:

What I’m Writing

This week, I wrote two pieces I thoroughly enjoyed working on. First, “How to Reduce Back-to-School Stress and Anxiety For Parents of Neurodiverse Children.” I wrote this article for Parents Magazine and it is very important. Schools can often be very difficult spaces for neurodiverse kids and as parents of a differently-wired kid, my wife and I know all too well how stressful it is to try and ensure our kid is getting the accommodations he needs and deserves.

Second, “A ‘Passover sweater’ made this Holocaust survivor a sensation. Now, a new play makes Helena Weinrauch’s story come alive.” I wrote this piece for NY Jewish Week and I still get teary every time I think about it. Helena Weinrauch’s story of survival and retaining a joy for life is incredible, and I’m so grateful the folks at The Chain Theatre have created a one-woman-show to bring her memoir to life.

We also got into an interesting conversation about WTF gender is on Chaotic Convos. How do you understand what gender you are? Chat with me about it here:

1. Lord, I do sound like a hippie this week.